Nearly a month has past since I realized my mind had truly been blown away. I've gotten so use to seeing links to various sites saying how these never-before-seen photos will "blow your mind" or how amazing this thing is but how it ended really got to me stories. I rarely click on them. They are click-bait. They are the newest way that headlines try to grab your attention. I remember growing up and being upset that I couldn't stay up to see the 10 p.m. news to see the "shocking story" that was only being shown then. Later I would learn that this was simply a way to get people to stay up and watch the story and they really weren't that interesting.
Most of these mind blowing stories aren't really that shocking or amazing. Most of the unknown facts about various movie franchaises are things I've already known for a while if it's something that I'm interested in.
On February 6th, I truly had my first mind blowing story.
The small group from my church was discussing the previous Sunday's sermon. We were in a series about the miracles and wonders that Jesus performed and we were in the fifth week. One of the passages we were looking at was the following:
And Jesus went on with his disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi. And on the way he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” And they told him, “John the Baptist; and others say, Elijah; and others, one of the prophets.” And he asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered him, “You are the Christ.” And he strictly charged them to tell no one about him.
Mark 8:27-30
There were a few questions on this section and the first one was the one that we decided to discuss. It asked why do you suppose Jesus that ordered His disciples to not tell who He was and we all had a few thoughts. One person had a brilliant insight that hadn't occurred to me. Jesus ordered them to not tell anyone because He wants them to figure it out on their own.
Jesus wants us to figure out on our own that He is Christ.
Mind=blown
This wasn't actually a new fact to me because it didn't matter how many times I was told that Jesus is Christ and God, I didn't believe it until I figured it out on my own. I think that's an important thing. No matter how hard we try to shove the idea into that of an unbelieving heart or mind, it won't be accepted until it has been figured out on its own.
I had recently learned about the concept of falsified conversion. This is, in my understanding of it, often seen when someone says they accept Christ but refuse to allow the Spirit to change them. They instead rely on themselves to do the right things or simply don't change their behavior and see themselves as saved as they once said a pray asking Jesus to forgive them.
This is how I believe my story started. I realized Jesus is God and that He died to forgive me but I didn't want to change. So I didn't. I still wanted to be in control and do what I wanted to do. Seeds were planted but they weren't tended to and the soil was very rocky. It took me coming back around and truly committing to the fact that Jesus is God before I could really change. So this insight that Jesus wanted people to figure this out on their own shouldn't have been that big of a surprise, but it was because it was right in front of me instead of begging me to click the link or stay tuned for after the weather to learn about it.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Celebrating Christmas and christmas
This year I found that I was struggling with Christmas. The "spirit"
just wasn't there. I didn't want to decorate or give gifts or anything
along those lines. Growing up, Christmas was always about the tree and
gifts and being told to stop singing all those silly songs (when you
have a mom who works at a Christmas themed market, I can now see why it
would be a bit much to continue hearing Christmas carols after suffering
through them for 4 days would be a bit much) and I remember once
wondering why people sang songs about Bethlehem and Jesus as we didn't
celebrate that part. I also dimly recall wondering if we were allowed to
celebrate Christmas if we didn't believe in Christ. This year it seemed
as though I was trying to reconcile the secular holiday with my faith
and it just wasn't working.
Eventually I got involved in conversations about secular christmas (which I call "little 'c' christmas" which annoys the spell checker) which is all about the gift giving. I also caught a segment on one of the Christian based radio stations about how when Martin Luther declared that Saints were idols and their feasts shouldn't be celebrated any more, people decided to hang up stockings so "baby Jesus will fill them with presents" for their kids (I haven't tried to dig up the information about this but I do remember hearing it) because that was one feast day everyone seemed to enjoy. I also read this article written by an alum from my college.
I started to realize that there really are two celebrations in this country. There is the Christian celebration recognizing the birth of Jesus and the far more secular one celebrated by lots of people that involve gift giving and often involve a man in a red suit. It really hit me when I was listening to the radio while driving to church to serve for the Christmas services and I heard this program. The first part is really interesting about the Christmas truce of 1914. It then gets into gift giving and then further into raising kids around the culture of Christmas when you aren't Christian. That's what really got my attention. And it turns out a lot of people of other faiths (or non-faiths) celebrate secular christmas.
At some point during all of this, I realized that I was doing the same. I was celebrating my faith by serving at 6 Christmas services. If I hadn't served, I still would have gone to at least the 11pm service, which was scripture readings and carols. We as a family also celebrated christmas on the 25th with opening gifts and time spent together. We don't do Santa which is primarily about the kids knowing who is giving them their gifts. One friend doesn't do Santa for her kids because she doesn't want them to question their faith in Jesus when they get older and realize that Santa isn't real.
I know that a lot of the "traditions" around Christmas aren't Christian in their origin. I'm aware that December 25th isn't really the day Jesus was born but it's the day that was chosen long ago to celebrate His birth. I do like that we celebrate in the middle of winter as it is a reminder of our Hope that God has given us.
I feel much less conflicted now than I did before the holidays. Both have a place in my life though celebrating the birth of Jesus will always be more important to me than exchanging gifts and decorating the house. Those are great moments to share but they aren't my hope or salvation.
Eventually I got involved in conversations about secular christmas (which I call "little 'c' christmas" which annoys the spell checker) which is all about the gift giving. I also caught a segment on one of the Christian based radio stations about how when Martin Luther declared that Saints were idols and their feasts shouldn't be celebrated any more, people decided to hang up stockings so "baby Jesus will fill them with presents" for their kids (I haven't tried to dig up the information about this but I do remember hearing it) because that was one feast day everyone seemed to enjoy. I also read this article written by an alum from my college.
I started to realize that there really are two celebrations in this country. There is the Christian celebration recognizing the birth of Jesus and the far more secular one celebrated by lots of people that involve gift giving and often involve a man in a red suit. It really hit me when I was listening to the radio while driving to church to serve for the Christmas services and I heard this program. The first part is really interesting about the Christmas truce of 1914. It then gets into gift giving and then further into raising kids around the culture of Christmas when you aren't Christian. That's what really got my attention. And it turns out a lot of people of other faiths (or non-faiths) celebrate secular christmas.
At some point during all of this, I realized that I was doing the same. I was celebrating my faith by serving at 6 Christmas services. If I hadn't served, I still would have gone to at least the 11pm service, which was scripture readings and carols. We as a family also celebrated christmas on the 25th with opening gifts and time spent together. We don't do Santa which is primarily about the kids knowing who is giving them their gifts. One friend doesn't do Santa for her kids because she doesn't want them to question their faith in Jesus when they get older and realize that Santa isn't real.
I know that a lot of the "traditions" around Christmas aren't Christian in their origin. I'm aware that December 25th isn't really the day Jesus was born but it's the day that was chosen long ago to celebrate His birth. I do like that we celebrate in the middle of winter as it is a reminder of our Hope that God has given us.
I feel much less conflicted now than I did before the holidays. Both have a place in my life though celebrating the birth of Jesus will always be more important to me than exchanging gifts and decorating the house. Those are great moments to share but they aren't my hope or salvation.
Friday, December 19, 2014
Discernment
According to the Google search I just did, discernment is
I'm sure I'm not alone in not really knowing how to really discern. I've started listening to a radio show run by Naomi's Table. It's helping me to hear scripture every day. It's step one of getting myself into the Word every day and it's not always easy. It's much easier to just listen to whatever is on the radio but I don't feel the same fullness in my spirit as I do when I listen to podcasts of these episodes. (I also have been downloading sermons and listening to those as well.)
Last week, one of the episodes was about discernment. This seems to have been a big thing for me lately as it isn't the first thing that I've listened to that has talked about discernment.
One verse that keeps coming back to me is Romans 12:2 (Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect, ESV).
There's that pesky word discern again. But I think it's actually a good word. It is very easy for me to follow what others tell me. This verse is telling me to test things against God's Word instead of emptying my mind and letting the world fill it with things.
Listening to this particular episode, I caught mention of yoga and that had me thinking about whether Christians should practice it as the women in the show were suggesting that we shouldn't because yoga teaches to empty your mind and many of the poses are worship to Hindu gods. This caught my mind because I do yoga. And when I say "do" what I really mean is that when I find a break in my schedule, I go to one or maybe two classes over a couple of weeks and stretch out all of the knots that I've accumulated from life.
I'm not overly dedicated to it and I find it ridiculous that the instructors end the session by saying "nameste" because most people in the room don't know what it means. I don't actually say it. Each session starts with instruction to empty your mind, which I don't do. I let go of the things that are stressing me out but I don't empty my mind. I know enough to realize that leaving my mind empty means anything could get into it. Instead, I focus on God.
Having heard on this podcast that Christians shouldn't do yoga, I did the thing any semi-decent blogger would do; I went to the internet. I googled about it and sent messages to my friend who introduced me (and she teaches) to Naomi's Table. I've seen arguments on both sides. And then, as I was listening to the Bible study on the same podcast (I think it was the same one), I heard my friend's voice mention that we shouldn't expect our pastors to chew up the word and regurgitate the Word for us and that we shouldn't always be eating the spiritual equivalent of baby food (the pastor at my church has said the same thing; during sermons he'll only show short verses so that people get use to holding and reading the Bible). We are expected to dig into the Bible ourselves and discern God's will.
So there I was, looking for the baby food option to my question. I wanted someone else to do the hard work for me. Then it hit me during the Bible study that I've probably graduated from having everything spoon fed to me. I've still young in my faith but I should be looking into things myself instead of waiting for others to tell me what God wants for me. I'm pretty sure that letting others tell me will just led me down wrong paths. I still don't know the Bible as well as I should. My small group did a Bible study through the entire thing but I missed most of it. I still have the book that our pastor wrote (I believe it was a team effort actually) to help get through it and I'm pretty sure I know what I'll be doing with my new year.
- the ability to judge well. ("an astonishing lack of discernment")
- (in Christian contexts) perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding. ("without providing for a time of healing and discernment, there will be no hope of living through this present moment without a shattering of our common life")
I'm sure I'm not alone in not really knowing how to really discern. I've started listening to a radio show run by Naomi's Table. It's helping me to hear scripture every day. It's step one of getting myself into the Word every day and it's not always easy. It's much easier to just listen to whatever is on the radio but I don't feel the same fullness in my spirit as I do when I listen to podcasts of these episodes. (I also have been downloading sermons and listening to those as well.)
Last week, one of the episodes was about discernment. This seems to have been a big thing for me lately as it isn't the first thing that I've listened to that has talked about discernment.
One verse that keeps coming back to me is Romans 12:2 (Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect, ESV).
There's that pesky word discern again. But I think it's actually a good word. It is very easy for me to follow what others tell me. This verse is telling me to test things against God's Word instead of emptying my mind and letting the world fill it with things.
Listening to this particular episode, I caught mention of yoga and that had me thinking about whether Christians should practice it as the women in the show were suggesting that we shouldn't because yoga teaches to empty your mind and many of the poses are worship to Hindu gods. This caught my mind because I do yoga. And when I say "do" what I really mean is that when I find a break in my schedule, I go to one or maybe two classes over a couple of weeks and stretch out all of the knots that I've accumulated from life.
I'm not overly dedicated to it and I find it ridiculous that the instructors end the session by saying "nameste" because most people in the room don't know what it means. I don't actually say it. Each session starts with instruction to empty your mind, which I don't do. I let go of the things that are stressing me out but I don't empty my mind. I know enough to realize that leaving my mind empty means anything could get into it. Instead, I focus on God.
Having heard on this podcast that Christians shouldn't do yoga, I did the thing any semi-decent blogger would do; I went to the internet. I googled about it and sent messages to my friend who introduced me (and she teaches) to Naomi's Table. I've seen arguments on both sides. And then, as I was listening to the Bible study on the same podcast (I think it was the same one), I heard my friend's voice mention that we shouldn't expect our pastors to chew up the word and regurgitate the Word for us and that we shouldn't always be eating the spiritual equivalent of baby food (the pastor at my church has said the same thing; during sermons he'll only show short verses so that people get use to holding and reading the Bible). We are expected to dig into the Bible ourselves and discern God's will.
So there I was, looking for the baby food option to my question. I wanted someone else to do the hard work for me. Then it hit me during the Bible study that I've probably graduated from having everything spoon fed to me. I've still young in my faith but I should be looking into things myself instead of waiting for others to tell me what God wants for me. I'm pretty sure that letting others tell me will just led me down wrong paths. I still don't know the Bible as well as I should. My small group did a Bible study through the entire thing but I missed most of it. I still have the book that our pastor wrote (I believe it was a team effort actually) to help get through it and I'm pretty sure I know what I'll be doing with my new year.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
6 years later and miles from where I was
July 11, 2008 was a Friday. This year, it was also a Friday. It also marked 6 years since I got a phone call that Gramps had passed away. This was also the start of my path back to my faith.
Being faced with death is hard, harder when it's someone close to you. It's very final. I believe for Gramps that it was even more final because he didn't believe in Christ. This was something that bothered me in high school, when I first came to faith, but I didn't know how to express it. I remember that week that I was out for the celebration of life, that I commented how even when I had gone overboard to the point of being annoying with my faith, Gramps didn't give me a hard time about it. Mom told me that he had said to her that I was searching for something and that I had at least found a positive outlet. Years later, I would learn that depression and eating wheat played a lot into my behaviours growing up.
A week before I felt guilty for being at a science fiction convention and not calling to wish Gramps a happy 4th. When I got out of a sing-along, I saw that I had missed a phone call from Mom. My first reaction was "Gramps is dead." I was wrong. She had called to wish me a happy 4th of July. It had always been Gramps' favourite holiday. When I got a phone call from my sister early in the morning, a week later, there was a pit in my stomach. I knew before I answered it, I knew what the news would be. I had even thought about calling Gramps the night before but decided to not do so.
I've had to struggle knowing that I had put off calling Gramps for one reason or another. There's been guilt for not calling him as often as I wanted to as well as for being generally very difficult. Gramps took over as a father figure in my life when I was very young. My father was still around until I was in middle school, but he was worthless. As I struggled with those issues, I also started to struggle with a bigger one. My fate.
Years earlier, I had wondered if you could start in faith with Christ and then go into a different direction, if you would still be saved. This was obviously me trying to justify my own actions and feelings at the time. I wanted to not die and be lost forever, but I was struggling with Christians. At the time, I didn't realize that I would have to change a lot in my journey of faith. My understanding back then was that you accepted Christ and just tried to not do bad things but that you were going to, which was okay because God still loved you. This is now, in my mind, the viewpoint of a 5 year old.
Now I know better, but 6 years ago I was confronted with a reality. What would happen if I continued on the path I was on? I started to miss my faith. I missed church and the music and I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of how I had treated my Mom and Gramps as well as friends in high school and college. I regretted so many missteps along my path. I missed the comfort that I remembered from church. There was a hurtle though.
I didn't think I could go back. I thought God would want nothing to do with me because of the mess I'd made of my life. I spent a lot of time over nearly 3 years thinking about it. Eventually, I would end up designing for a show in which I would watch, over and over, God and Human reconcile (the Human wanted to divorce God) with the Human asking God to stay because it was so scary out there without Him and God comforting her saying that he wasn't going anywhere.
A few months later, I would meet my husband and he would challenge me to pray for the first time in nearly a decade. Three years later, I barely recognize my life and not just from the outside. Inside, I feel like a different person.
Iron sharpens iron,
Being faced with death is hard, harder when it's someone close to you. It's very final. I believe for Gramps that it was even more final because he didn't believe in Christ. This was something that bothered me in high school, when I first came to faith, but I didn't know how to express it. I remember that week that I was out for the celebration of life, that I commented how even when I had gone overboard to the point of being annoying with my faith, Gramps didn't give me a hard time about it. Mom told me that he had said to her that I was searching for something and that I had at least found a positive outlet. Years later, I would learn that depression and eating wheat played a lot into my behaviours growing up.
A week before I felt guilty for being at a science fiction convention and not calling to wish Gramps a happy 4th. When I got out of a sing-along, I saw that I had missed a phone call from Mom. My first reaction was "Gramps is dead." I was wrong. She had called to wish me a happy 4th of July. It had always been Gramps' favourite holiday. When I got a phone call from my sister early in the morning, a week later, there was a pit in my stomach. I knew before I answered it, I knew what the news would be. I had even thought about calling Gramps the night before but decided to not do so.
I've had to struggle knowing that I had put off calling Gramps for one reason or another. There's been guilt for not calling him as often as I wanted to as well as for being generally very difficult. Gramps took over as a father figure in my life when I was very young. My father was still around until I was in middle school, but he was worthless. As I struggled with those issues, I also started to struggle with a bigger one. My fate.
Years earlier, I had wondered if you could start in faith with Christ and then go into a different direction, if you would still be saved. This was obviously me trying to justify my own actions and feelings at the time. I wanted to not die and be lost forever, but I was struggling with Christians. At the time, I didn't realize that I would have to change a lot in my journey of faith. My understanding back then was that you accepted Christ and just tried to not do bad things but that you were going to, which was okay because God still loved you. This is now, in my mind, the viewpoint of a 5 year old.
Now I know better, but 6 years ago I was confronted with a reality. What would happen if I continued on the path I was on? I started to miss my faith. I missed church and the music and I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of how I had treated my Mom and Gramps as well as friends in high school and college. I regretted so many missteps along my path. I missed the comfort that I remembered from church. There was a hurtle though.
I didn't think I could go back. I thought God would want nothing to do with me because of the mess I'd made of my life. I spent a lot of time over nearly 3 years thinking about it. Eventually, I would end up designing for a show in which I would watch, over and over, God and Human reconcile (the Human wanted to divorce God) with the Human asking God to stay because it was so scary out there without Him and God comforting her saying that he wasn't going anywhere.
A few months later, I would meet my husband and he would challenge me to pray for the first time in nearly a decade. Three years later, I barely recognize my life and not just from the outside. Inside, I feel like a different person.
Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)
But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians 4:20-24 (ESV)
I was familiar with both of those passages before but I had not understood them. I understood the abstract but it never occurred to me that I would actually change through knowing and following Christ. I'm no longer the scared grandchild, searching for comfort in a place where comfort doesn't last. Instead, I try (I am still human, so I often fail) to find my comfort in the Lord. Some days are harder than others. Some days I miss Gramps so much and I know that I won't see him again and it hurts. Other days, I try to focus on how proud he would be of me and know that even if he didn't believe, he didn't criticize me for believing.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Fighting despair
From the depths of despair, O Lord,
I call for your help.
Hear my cry, O Lord.
Pay attention to my prayer.
Lord, if you kept a record of our sins,
who, O Lord, could ever survive?
But you offer forgiveness,
that we might learn to fear you.
I am counting on the Lord;
yes, I am counting on him.
I have put my hope in his word.
-Psalms 130:1-5
Tonight, I am in despair. Things have happened to my family that are heartbreaking. In the past, I would have let this despair consume me. It's a struggle now not to do that even now. Despair is easy. It's easy to give into the doubts and the sadness instead of releasing.
Tonight, I have decided to release my despair to the Lord. He has promised us great things and I have faith that He will deliver them. I can not know the purpose or depths of God's plans so the things that cause me despair right now may be for good in the long run.
Tonight, I let go of my despair and trade it for the peace of God.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Cries for help
O Lord, why do you stand so far away?
Why do you hide when I am in trouble?
The wicked arrogantly hunt down the poor.
Let them be caught in the evil they plan for others.
For they brag about their evil desires;
they praise the greedy and curse the Lord.
The wicked are too proud to seek God.
They seem to think that God is dead.
Yet they succeed in everything they do.
They do not see your punishment awaiting them.
They sneer at all their enemies.
They think, “Nothing bad will ever happen to us!
We will be free of trouble forever!”
Psalms 10:1-6
Recently I've noticed a lot of posts from my friends questioning where God is when there are so many who suffer. They ask how can a God answer the prayers of those who need nothing and yet He does nothing for those in abusive situations. This is a concept I have frequently struggled with and I still struggle with it. It had even recently come up during a church service. The pastor mentioned how even back in the Psalms, these cries can be heard. When I look back at my life so far, I can see times where my prayers, when I did pray them, weren't answered and I was frustrated, upset, etc. at the time. Looking back on it though, I'm glad I didn't get those prayers answered. Most of them were selfish.
Looking on a larger scale, for I've not always believed in Jesus and there was a period of time where I believed but was angry with God, I can see how in the end, those who are "wicked" and should be punished do sometimes actually receive their misery in this lifetime. I also have seen how well taken care of I am and how much happier I am without those desperate and selfish prayers being answered.
I have an aunt and uncle that I don't consider family. I am related to my uncle by blood but it isn't a strong tie. In fact, the only tie that managed to hold us together passed away 5 years ago today. My Gramps, his father. This couple were horrible relatives. Everything was always about them and their material goods. It was always frustrating to see them have "everything" and be such miserable people but still be succeeding. They decided to ignore our family until Grandma was diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly they were on-site, hoping to collect something from her passing. Then they were gone again. There was always this attitude of superiority with them. I remember them acting as though they were helping me by giving me clothing that she didn't want anymore and commenting on how I needed to learn to dress from someone with a better sense of style than my mom.
All the time I remember thinking how unfair it was that they were such massive jerks and yet had all this money and stuff. Then when Gramps died, they were even larger jerks *and* were manipulating the estate to favor themselves. It got to the point where I couldn't let my mom tell me what they were doing because I would get so angry that I couldn't function.
So what does this have to do with this verse? I have been trying for months and months to read the Bible every day. I've got an app on my phone and everything and yet my follow through really sucks. Once again, I've reset this particular plan that has me reading the entire Bible in a year, which I've never done before. It's a couple of chapters and a Psalm every day. This was Wednesday's Psalm. It's really struck a chord with me. I've learned to put faith in the Lord and to stop worrying about material possessions. I'm no longer afraid of what people like my aunt and uncle think or what they will do to me. No longer do I fall apart in rage because of the unfairness of it all. There is still anger and frustration but I can still function through it and find ways to move past it. Having God not answer my prayers to just get rid of these two people, I've grown closer to Him and have grown as a person, which I think is a much better lesson.
Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless.
Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.
You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed,
so mere people can no longer terrify them.
Psalms 10:17-18
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Love and Marriage?
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13
I'm certain nearly everyone, no matter what their faith, has seen some of the above verses. I know I've seen it printed on wedding programs of at least two weddings I've been to, if not more. When I was in college, one of my long-suffering room mates showed me these verses to help me realize that not every flutter of the heart is love. I didn't listen very well but today I know that she truly loved me as a friend for she put up with so much from me. I'm not writing about that sort of love though.
Last week, I celebrated my first wedding anniversary. It's been a bumpy road, which is apparently true of most first years of marriage, unless you live in a different time zone for most of your first year married. There have been a few doubters of this marriage, but thankfully there have been more supporters of it.
I've learned a lot about love over the last year.
Before I was married, I had some friends try to intervene and tell me that getting married was going to be a bad thing though I'd do it anyway, just to prove myself right. I still feel the hurt at one friend writing that I had been in a two year relationship with someone I supposedly loved and then fell in love with someone else and then had a short relationship with someone else I loved before meeting my husband. It stung because she was using it as an example of a downward spiral in my life and how I was headed towards disaster. It also stung because of why I had loved each one of those men was a bit selfish.
Here's the thing this friend didn't understand. My love was true to these past relationships but it was an earthly and self-centered love instead of a godly and self-sacrificing love. I loved them because it made me feel good and it helped me to try to fill up the emptiness I had inside from keeping my distance from God. Could I articulate this at the time? Nope. That would have been easy. I had to figure it out first. All I could say at the time was that I did love them. It's not easy to listen to anyone talk about how they love all of these people though so I understand the doubt.
Years ago, I annoyed the guy I was dating at the time because of my stance on marriage. I thought it was ridiculous to marry because you were in love. There were plenty of other reasons that were much sounder than love as love, especially the early, exciting kind of love, changes. Having love is more of a bonus than a requirement. This conversation would usually happen after I had read some book on the history of marriage or of the wife. He would then tell me that he wasn't going to talk to me about it until I stopped reading books that gave me weird ideas. Looking back it was hilarious but at the time I was furious.
When I was getting ready to get married a year ago, I thought of all of the logical reasons to get married to my husband:
In the past relationships, the love was conditional. There was always a reason to love the other person because they did something or gave me something. I know that sounds wrong but if I truly look closely at those relationships, that's what it came down to with each one. I wasn't willing to sacrifice anything for these relationships. I was with one guy 3 different times, the last time lasting almost 2 years and it never worked out. One of the big reasons was because of where he lives, which is not somewhere that I want to move. He didn't want to move to where I am without a job, which is very sound and I approve of that. But you have to wonder how much I really love someone if I'm not willing to change my life for them.
For my husband, I've changed a lot of things in my life. He has asked for none of the changes. The changes have come about as I've grown from him challenging me to grow. I swear less. I eat better. I'm more active. I gave up my cats because I didn't have time for them. I moved to the other side of the cities even if the side I was on was much cooler. I don't expect him to do anything in return for me love. That's mostly true. I'm still human and I still want and expect him to do things but in the pure essence of my love, I do things for him because I love him. It is hard but it gets easier.
One of my good friends has listened to me over the last months as I've started to grow in my marriage. One of the things she has said has become a mantra for me. "God didn't give us marriage to make us happy. He gave us marriage to make us holy." Someone else I know has mentioned that God draws us to someone who is our opposite so that we can learn and grow from being with them. I think both of these things are very true.
I've started to love and appreciate looking at different translations of Bible verses. The copy of the above verses are from the English Standard version. Here's verse four from the New King James' version:
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
1 Corinthians 13:4
I prefer "Love suffers long" over "Love is patient". Patience gives me the image of someone waiting quietly for someone or something to happen. From my personal experience, that is not what happens in marriage. The other person doesn't just sit back and wait for you to grow. No, it's more like love causes strife while hoping that the other person gets a clue without you having to use force on them. You continue to love regardless of what the other person is doing.
I know that this can be dangerous territory and easily be misused in abusive situations. If there is abuse, physical, mental or emotional, get out. As someone who grew up in that environment, that isn't love and continuing to be in a situation like that isn't loving them until they change. You can't change someone who is abusive. God is the only one with the power to change someone. I mean this more in the sense that you continue to love someone even when they put the toilet paper roll on backwards or interrupt your work day with random, useless trivia. Those are things that can be worked on.
Pray for June 1, 2013
Lord, thank You for my marriage. Please let me be a strong and loving wife. Protect our marriage from those who would try to tear it down. Let our marriage shine Your light and show Your love. Help me to remember what you intend marriage to be and how you expect us to love, by serving. Amen.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13
I'm certain nearly everyone, no matter what their faith, has seen some of the above verses. I know I've seen it printed on wedding programs of at least two weddings I've been to, if not more. When I was in college, one of my long-suffering room mates showed me these verses to help me realize that not every flutter of the heart is love. I didn't listen very well but today I know that she truly loved me as a friend for she put up with so much from me. I'm not writing about that sort of love though.
Last week, I celebrated my first wedding anniversary. It's been a bumpy road, which is apparently true of most first years of marriage, unless you live in a different time zone for most of your first year married. There have been a few doubters of this marriage, but thankfully there have been more supporters of it.
I've learned a lot about love over the last year.
Before I was married, I had some friends try to intervene and tell me that getting married was going to be a bad thing though I'd do it anyway, just to prove myself right. I still feel the hurt at one friend writing that I had been in a two year relationship with someone I supposedly loved and then fell in love with someone else and then had a short relationship with someone else I loved before meeting my husband. It stung because she was using it as an example of a downward spiral in my life and how I was headed towards disaster. It also stung because of why I had loved each one of those men was a bit selfish.
Here's the thing this friend didn't understand. My love was true to these past relationships but it was an earthly and self-centered love instead of a godly and self-sacrificing love. I loved them because it made me feel good and it helped me to try to fill up the emptiness I had inside from keeping my distance from God. Could I articulate this at the time? Nope. That would have been easy. I had to figure it out first. All I could say at the time was that I did love them. It's not easy to listen to anyone talk about how they love all of these people though so I understand the doubt.
Years ago, I annoyed the guy I was dating at the time because of my stance on marriage. I thought it was ridiculous to marry because you were in love. There were plenty of other reasons that were much sounder than love as love, especially the early, exciting kind of love, changes. Having love is more of a bonus than a requirement. This conversation would usually happen after I had read some book on the history of marriage or of the wife. He would then tell me that he wasn't going to talk to me about it until I stopped reading books that gave me weird ideas. Looking back it was hilarious but at the time I was furious.
When I was getting ready to get married a year ago, I thought of all of the logical reasons to get married to my husband:
- We'd have a dual-income and he works a well paying job where he is in high demand.
- He owns a house, which is much more reliable than renting. Plus, there'd be a garden and someone to help with the unending list of house responsibilities.
- He has kids, so instant family! No pregnancy or birth for me involved!
- Less food being wasted. I pretty much stopped grocery shopping for a while because cooking for one is depressing and trying to buy for one is frustrating.
- Improved credit score. I didn't realize that this would happen at the time but it's definitely been a cool perk.
In the past relationships, the love was conditional. There was always a reason to love the other person because they did something or gave me something. I know that sounds wrong but if I truly look closely at those relationships, that's what it came down to with each one. I wasn't willing to sacrifice anything for these relationships. I was with one guy 3 different times, the last time lasting almost 2 years and it never worked out. One of the big reasons was because of where he lives, which is not somewhere that I want to move. He didn't want to move to where I am without a job, which is very sound and I approve of that. But you have to wonder how much I really love someone if I'm not willing to change my life for them.
For my husband, I've changed a lot of things in my life. He has asked for none of the changes. The changes have come about as I've grown from him challenging me to grow. I swear less. I eat better. I'm more active. I gave up my cats because I didn't have time for them. I moved to the other side of the cities even if the side I was on was much cooler. I don't expect him to do anything in return for me love. That's mostly true. I'm still human and I still want and expect him to do things but in the pure essence of my love, I do things for him because I love him. It is hard but it gets easier.
One of my good friends has listened to me over the last months as I've started to grow in my marriage. One of the things she has said has become a mantra for me. "God didn't give us marriage to make us happy. He gave us marriage to make us holy." Someone else I know has mentioned that God draws us to someone who is our opposite so that we can learn and grow from being with them. I think both of these things are very true.
I've started to love and appreciate looking at different translations of Bible verses. The copy of the above verses are from the English Standard version. Here's verse four from the New King James' version:
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
1 Corinthians 13:4
I prefer "Love suffers long" over "Love is patient". Patience gives me the image of someone waiting quietly for someone or something to happen. From my personal experience, that is not what happens in marriage. The other person doesn't just sit back and wait for you to grow. No, it's more like love causes strife while hoping that the other person gets a clue without you having to use force on them. You continue to love regardless of what the other person is doing.
I know that this can be dangerous territory and easily be misused in abusive situations. If there is abuse, physical, mental or emotional, get out. As someone who grew up in that environment, that isn't love and continuing to be in a situation like that isn't loving them until they change. You can't change someone who is abusive. God is the only one with the power to change someone. I mean this more in the sense that you continue to love someone even when they put the toilet paper roll on backwards or interrupt your work day with random, useless trivia. Those are things that can be worked on.
Pray for June 1, 2013
Lord, thank You for my marriage. Please let me be a strong and loving wife. Protect our marriage from those who would try to tear it down. Let our marriage shine Your light and show Your love. Help me to remember what you intend marriage to be and how you expect us to love, by serving. Amen.
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